October is coming to a close and so is 2011, just in the next two months. Compared to the previous three years, in 2011 there’s one big difference in this blog. This year, I started to write regularly again. This year, this blog is back to life!
In 2005-2006, I wrote regularly even when I was busy with my studies in Holland. At that time, writing a blog was like a reward, a nice break in the middle of the endless essay writings. Writing this blog gave me the chance to share my adventure in a foreign land as a graduate student. And sharing enabled me to savor the adventure that I was having.
But things were different in 2007-10. I only wrote a handful entries in 2007, and down to only one record in 2010. This dear blog was nearly abandoned, although I’m still the same person who loves to write.
The reason of my absence actually reflects the phases that I went through in dealing with the Life After Holland. In 2007-08, I realized that every time I write I always ended up sounded miserable and whiny. It was hard for me to accept the fact that I was no longer living in Den Haag, that I can’t just walk to Scheveningen beach anymore, that I was back to my crowded and noisy home country. I had a difficult time readjusting.
In addition, I also felt that my fellow ISS friends had successfully transitioned to whatever that they were doing after their studies. I felt that I too, have to move on like them. That was why I decided not to write anything about life in Holland.
I moved to the U.S. in 2009. This other international adventure reminds me again about life in Den Haag, and I found myself comparing the two different places. My husband was also exhibiting the same symptoms, to the point that my in-laws reminded us that the more we compared our lives in Albany to our lives in Den Haag, the harder it will be for us to adjust. And so again I decided to build my life in Albany, and in 2009 and 2010 I try not to think too much about living in Den Haag.
If Den Haag was a boy and my life was a love story, the phases that I went through in the last 6 years can be described as follows:
- 2005-2006: I was in love with the boy.
- December 2006: We broke up.
- 2007-2008: I missed him so much, long to come back, but there was a great distance between us. Each day I tried hard to move on and forget about him.
- April 2009: I found someone new.
- 2009-2010: I had this unrealistic expectation that my experience with this new person would be the same as my experience with him. I got frustrated when that wasn’t the reality.
- 2011: I finally made peace with myself, with the new person, with him. I allow myself to miss him and to write about him. This doesn’t mean that I still live in the past, and it doesn’t mean I don’t love the new person. In fact, there are things that’s only possible for me to have when I’m with that someone new, and I’m grateful for it.
In conclusion, I’m moving on without forcing myself to leave him behind, since he’ll always be a special part of me. And here I am, writing again 🙂
It’s good to be back.
Holland Tulip from Visit Holland
I love NY from Logopedia