The voice of that librarian struck me. I look to the right corner of my computer screen. It was already 17:20. I look behind; the seat that used to be occupied by that man was already empty. Also the one in front of me – Imani’s table. Well it’s not his table; it’s the library’s table. But four of us have build sense of ownership to it, as we found ourselves go into the same spot each day. That man, me, Imani a friend from Ethiopia, and Yolly in that corner – the only person that is still here with me.
“Give it up, Chrysant… enough for today. So I’ll see you tomorrow?”
And we both laughed.
It’s just funny how days seem to be repeated.
Wake up in the morning,
bargaining with the alarm,
drag myself to the bathroom,
drink coffee to help me open these eyes,
skip breakfast and just biking to ISS,
go down to the library,
sit in the same spot,
meet the same people,
struggle to get some more words typed in my Analytical framework,
lunch time; soup at the canteen,
go back again to the library,
coffee around 3,
and suddenly you hear the same short sentence again:
I bet the librarian does not know, that sometimes his simple words sounds so nice to me. Those words give me the reason to stop working and just pack my computer and books, go home.
I bet the librarian never knew how his words sometimes made me feel like “oh no not now I haven’t done much”
Today, I met my supervisor Loes. I wonder how she can be so passionate about my own research paper; wish I could trade her passion with my fear. She told me not to worry – for each step in my research paper, even a small one, is meaningful for my whole research journey. That step could be as small as one paragraph, or one person you interviewed that links you to another person, or an article that you managed to read. Those are all worthwhile, and for that I should be grateful.
Yeah, I should end my day with grateful thoughts, than to have it end with fears and worry that won’t bring me anywhere.
And have a rest, so that I’ll be ready for the step(s) that I shall take tomorrow. Even with the same people, same place, and the same feeling of boredom.
It’ll be worthwhile.