Today I received a package from my scholarship provider, StuNed. Inside, there were things to acquaint us more to Holland, such as a map, booklets, CDs and books. One of the book is titled “Are You Ready?” It talks about Holland, the education system, as well as the experience of the recipient of StuNed’s scholarship in dealing with the culture shock.
Reading all the stories there, including the one written by my lecturer who was a Holland Alumnus – made my stomach felt funny. My hands became cold and clammy. I’m nervous! I knew my lecturer as an independent person, a tough woman. Was it mere an exaggeration when she said that during the first few months she actually booked a flight home because she couldn’t handle the pressure?
I know I should be grateful for getting this opportunity, but I can’t help but thinking, should I just let go of this opportunity while I’m still here in Indonesia? Aaarghhhh!!! Nooooo….. I’m having a panic attack!
It’s especially challenging for me to leave my hometown because I’ve been living here most of the time. This is where I have all my friends and family. The longest time that I spent outside my hometown was only about 6 months, when I did my internship in Bandung. Ohhh…. but I also knew that I have to take this opportunity, because it’s something that I’ve been dreaming of and I’m not a coward!
And also, I guess I’m stressed out because before the departure I wanted to spent as much time possible with my family, friends, and dogs, doing things that I love doing… but I also need to do lots of preparation things. How can I squeeze everything in within this short period of time?
Well, at the end of the day I found out that the best way to deal with all these panic attacks is to take a deep breath, drink a warm tea, pray, and just STOP THINKING!!
I think that reading other people’s experience is good in the sense that it tells you that it is normal to feel uprooted in the beginning. But I have decided that if it’s just going to give me panic attack like this, probably the best way to deal with it is by avoiding reading it in the first place! All the horrible things that they’ve gone through may or may not happen to you anyway…. c’est la vie!
As for now, I’ll just cross my fingers and hope for the best. God takes care of birds in the sky, I know He will take care of me too. So help me, God!